That's Not a Turkey, It's a Hexagon!

At age three, there was no denying that Jacob was different from his peers. Sure there were other kids that clung to their parents for dear life at drop off, but Jacob took it to a whole new level. I guess you could say I was still in denial up until his first preschool conference. I went in with expectations of hearing how wonderful and sweet Jacob was. "Such a joy in the classroom." Boy was I wrong. I'm not even sure there was one positive thing said by his teacher. He didn't listen. He didn't participate. He didn't play with toys. He had no friends. He refused to join the group. He preferred to sit at the table alone. I think his teacher was as unsure what to do as we were. I left mad. Sure he didn't fit the mold, but I also felt like they were doing little to help him. I know now that it wasn't his teacher's fault. She didn't know any better than we did.

So for months I was mad. Just plain old mad! I found myself showing up earlier and earlier for pick up, just watching him thru the little window in the door. Sure enough, most days he was sitting at the table alone while his classmates sang and did finger puppets during circle time. It still breaks my heart to think back on those moments. I didn't know where to go or what to do.

Again, his pediatrician said he was fine. Everyone said he was fine. On paper he did look "fine", but when you were really around Jacob, you could tell that something wasn't quite right. Not that he lacked for intelligence. He was starting to read. His new obsession was with animals, particularly cows, and he could tell you the difference between a Hereford and a Holstein cow without blinking or thinking twice.

I felt really stuck. Pulling him out of preschool certainly wasn't going to help. I called various places to get him evaluated, only to find the earliest appointment was 6 months out. I didn't know what to do. There are two defining moments (although small) for me during this time. These moments made me realize we had to do something.

The first happened while I was still very much in denial. Since Jacob wasn't playing with other kids, I felt it was my fault for not exposing him to kids and giving him opporunities. The answer? McDonald's Play Place! I spontaniously decided to stop at Mickey D's after preschool to give Jacob more time to play with other kids. I sat there happy as can be watching my son run around laughing and having a great time, as the kids around him did the same. See he was perfect. Nothing wrong. That will show his teacher! This was just the reassurance I needed. As I sat there drinking my diet coke, I noticed a boy talking to Jacob. He was asking Jacob to play with him and climb up the rope ladder. Jacob just stared at him. Again the boy asked him to play, and Jacob just stared. "Come on Jacob." I remember thinking. "Just talk. You know how to talk. At home you never stop talking." But my sweet baby boy didn't say a word. He just stood there. The other boy looked at him and said, "Do you know how to talk?" And again, Jacob said nothing. Finally ready to give up, the boy looked at me and said, "What's wrong with him?"

Hmmm...

What is wrong with him? Here this other child all of 4 or 5 could see that something wasn't right with my son, but yet all these educated people kept telling me he was perfect, normal, fine, right where he needed to be.

The second thing that happened was a phone call from his preschool teacher. Jacob had gotten very upset that day at school while making Shape Turkeys for Thanksgiving. Apparently when the teacher was giving the directions on how to make the turkey, she was calling one of the shapes the body for the turkey. Jacob corrected her and said, "That's not a turkey. It's a hexagon!"

He was right it was a hexagon. Our son was very smart. I had known that for a long time. I could not let him continue at the preschool. He would flounder. I had to do something.

And that's when our world got a little brighter.