I never thought I would be that mom

I never thought I would be that mom. You know the one I'm talking about. The one who makes her child a different meal than the rest of the family and doesn't insist on them eating what was prepared. When Jacob was an infant, I remember listening to other moms say how the only food their child would eat is chicken nuggets, or pizza,  and I would roll my eyes thinking, "Wow, that will NEVER happen at our house!" The most important parent lesson I have learned is to never say never.

My husband and I used to insist that Jacob eat whatever was placed in front of him. It was a battle. We would fight him and fight him, with many times Jacob ending up in tears. Many times he would pick up his little dinosaur plate and march it into the other room screaming in protest that he was not going to eat it. We tried everything. Bribes of yummy desserts. Acting on our threats of saving his dinner for the next morning's breakfast. Everything short of force feeding the kid.

And then one night at dinner after a particularly hard fight, my husband simply asked me, "Why do you put it on his plate? If you know it is going to make him upset, why put it on there?" He was right. Why was I doing this to myself and to Jacob? Just because I didn't want to be "that mom"? Who cares? The thing is, Jacob likes a lot of foods, he is just particular about how they are prepared. For instance a casserole would send him into a huge meltdown. A taco would send him into a tailspin. Anything resembling a veggie or meat on his pizza would be cause for a major fit. So why was I fighting him on this? As long as he was getting an adequate diet, why did it matter if he preferred canned green beans over fresh? And one of his favorite foods is avocados. You can't say that about many kids. So who really cares if on some nights I make him safari animal chicken nuggets instead of the casserole I spent hours making?

Food aversions are a common characteristic of children with Aspergers. Usually they are brought on by sensory issues where the child prefers different textures over others. I never used to think that Jacob had any sensory issues with food. He definitely has sensory issues with sound, touch, and motion, but I'm starting to think that he could have some oral issues as well. Lately at school Jacob has been humming a lot and it is starting to annoy some of his classmates. It is actually not so much of a hum, but a long drawn out "eeeeeeee" sound. Jacob usually does this when he is really concentrating hard and deep in thought. His doctor had told us not to try to stop him as he is filling a sensory need. When I ask Jacob about it, he says he likes the way it feels on his tongue. "Eeeeeeeeeee..." hmm, it does feel kind of nice. For whatever reason, his E sound calms him. We used to try to stop the E sound, but have come to embrace it. I think it actually calms me as well, because I know that Jacob is calm while doing this. But I can see how it could be so distracting at school. So his teacher recommended sending in hard candy or gum. Today's the first day on that, so we'll see how it goes.

For Jacob it is not only the taste and texture of the food, but also the presentation. Maybe that's how my design degree comes into great use now that I am a stay at home mom! Spacing of the food is VERY important for Jacob. Nothing can touch. And if it does? Wow! A very upset boy who is paralyzed by the sight of his food touching. He will shriek until the situation is made right. Each meal he uses the same little trays each with four spots. He likes four foods, and none of them can be over flowing into the others.

So every night when Jacob comes into the dining room for dinner he asks what we are having. I tell him to which he replies, "is it my favorite carrots?" or "is it my favorite chicken?" I've learned what that means. Nothing fancy mom! I've learned he likes his food fairly plain. He doesn't like things mixed together.  He wants four non-touching foods on his plate.

And most importantly, I've learned it is ok to be "that mom".