The Day Boo Boo Went to School

This is Boo Boo.

No, not Honey Boo Boo, just Boo Boo. He's been in our family for close to seven years now, before Jacob was even one. He's watched it all evolve, Jacob's Aspergers, that is. And he's helped through many a meltdown.

He's been cuddled and snuggled, lost and found, cried on, puked on, peed on, you name it, he's been through it all. He's been through the wash more times than I can count, with a little boy anxiously waiting for him to emerge knowing that despite his pleas, Boo Boo was going in the water.

He's been used as a ball for baseball when no other could be found, and when desperate measures are needed, he's even been a bat. He's been to many a state, although for the past few years he has strict orders to stay in the house after too many late night frantic searches.

But most importantly. He's been loved.

Saying Jacob loves his bear is an understatement. Even at the age of seven I have to remind Jacob that Boo Boo is not real, to which he says "But he's really a bear, right?"

Shortly before he turned one, Jacob was given a small classic Winnie the Pooh bear. For the longest time Pooh sat neatly on Jacob's dresser untouched. I'm not sure who put him in Jacob's crib first, myself or my husband. I'm sure it was a desperate attempt to get Jacob back to sleep. It didn't take long for it to become our nightly go to. The bear quickly became known as "Boo Boo", a one year old's attempt at saying "Pooh Bear".

At age one when it became clear that Jacob had formed an attachment to this bear, so I did what everyone had told me to do. Found a replacement! I scoured the internet finding a respectable match on ebay to switch out every once in a while to give the other a chance for a much needed cleaning.

It worked for a while.

But we should have known better. Jacob was too smart.

One night when Jacob was sick at about age two, we tried to put him to bed with his bear, he began crying and shouting "no other Boo Boo, other Boo Boo". Yep, the gig was up. Jacob knew there was something fishy going on and he wanted his real bear.

Oh, we tried to keep it up for a while, but finally gave in and conceded. And for the next few years there were two, Boo Boo and Other Boo Boo as they were officially named. Boo Boo was Jacob's constant. Other Boo Boo came and went. I'd pack him away from time to time when Jacob said he was done with him. But then you'd find me late at night digging through memory boxes looking for Other Boo Boo, because Boo Boo was indeed missing his friend.

Looking back on it and now knowing Jacob's diagnosis, I am fortunate that his attachment was to a stuffed animal. Many times kids with Autism can become attached to strange inanimate objects. Boo Boo provided him with the security he needed. He helped teach Jacob how to comfort and nurture.

So why all the background information on just a bear?

Because today Boo Boo went to school.

It started back in December before Christmas break. Jacob came home from school and announced he had used his reward tokens to purchase "Bring a Stuffed Animal to School Day". Jacob was excited. I was....um....not so much.

But Jacob got sick, and stuffed animal day didn't happen. I kind of hoped he had forgotten. No such luck. Sure enough an email came over the weekend announcing that Jacob could bring a stuffed animal to school on Monday. Monday, excellent! Jacob had a doctor's appointment so it would be a half day. Again, no such luck as stuffed animal day got moved to Tuesday to ensure Jacob got his money's worth.

Boo Boo going to school today is huge. I've been nervous all day. Not only because I am terrified that Boo Boo will be lost and I foresee myself going though an entire school looking for a lost teddy bear. But more than anything I am terrified of what his peers in his class will be thinking or saying, as they observe Jacob with his much loved bear.

This morning before school I had a conversation with him about it.

"Jacob, you know that some of the other kids may not have Boo Boo's, so they could tease you about it. So maybe you should just not make a big deal about him."

"You mean I can't tell Boo Boo I love him?"

"Probably not a good idea."

"Can I whisper it to him?"

"Jacob, just think it in your head," I said fearing the worst.

"But I can still cuddle him right, mommy?"

"Right, Jacob."

Oh no!

I dropped Jacob off at school with Boo Boo securely in his backpack. I had nicely tried to explain to him as a last ditch effort while waiting for drop-off that most kids his age did not sleep with teddy bears and if they did, they didn't tell anyone about it.  Of course I told him that he could keep his bear as long as he wanted, but just that he didn't have to share Boo Boo with his friends.

Oh, how I wished this day was over for my son.

All day long I worried about how Jacob was handling this. Jacob is so much more naive and babyish than his peers. We've had many conversations about Boo Boo not being real, and at the end I never really know for sure if Jacob understands it. He struggles with things like that often. It all gets muddied for him where reality and fantasy meet.

Sure enough as I walked up for pick-up, there was Jacob waiting as patiently as he knew how. And there was Boo Boo in Jacob's hand, being waved in the air as Jacob jumped around from classmate to classmate.

As we walked away from his classmates, Jacob said good bye, and then had Boo Boo wave goodbye as well. Oh no! Hopefully I was just witnessing the worst and the day hadn't looked like this.

We continued walking and Jacob yelled out to a girl in his class while she waited in line for the bus. But wait, it wasn't Jacob yelling out to her, it was him pretending to be Boo Boo yelling. As we got closer to the girl, Jacob jumped up beside her with Boo Boo inches from her face. The girl was clearly annoyed and not hiding it by the way she rolled her eyes to her friend standing beside her. Her annoyance was lost on Jacob.

"Jacob, come on," I said urging him toward the van. When we got inside I turned to Jacob and asked, "Jacob honey, you didn't act like that all day with Boo Boo did you?"

"No, not all day," he answered. "Just some of the day."

I knew what that meant. Pretty much the entire day. But Jacob was already in his own little world talking with Boo Boo in the backseat. No need to continue the conversation.

It rings true what I have read about his developmental age being about 2/3 of his real age. It makes sense for a four year old to be talking with a stuffed bear as if it could answer. It makes sense for a five year old to not completely understand the difference between real and make believe. But it doesn't make sense for a seven year old.

"Jacob, I think next time Boo Boo will stay home, ok? Maybe find something else to use your tokens on for next time."

Not sure if he was listening, I turned to find Jacob holding his bear having him dance back and forth across the rear van window. I turned around with a sigh, knowing how much he loved that silly old bear, but also knowing that there are some things that he just has to let me help him with socially because he just doesn't understand. The last thing I wanted was to give fuel to someone who may decide my son is an easy target.

"I'll get starbursts."

"What honey?" Not exactly sure what he was talking about.

"Next time. I'll get starbursts next time I use my tokens."

I looked in the rear view mirror to see him continuing to dance his bear around with a smile on his face. It had indeed been a good day for Boo Boo at school.