Evaluation and Diagnosis

It was time to finally have Jacob evaluated. I called our public school, and they sent someone out to evaluate him in his current preschool setting. They did see some concerning things, and recommended him to attend the public preschool in a peer model program. Let me tell you. As a mother, it is very hard to read an evaluation of your child. No where on there does it say loving, caring, beautiful smile that could melt a mama's heart. It was very hard to read the harsh reality of the situation. Sure it wasn't anything we already didn't know, but to see it on paper, just made me want to scream. There was so much more to our beautiful boy!

Although there was only less than two months of the school year left, Jacob switched schools and began in Ms. Meagan's classroom. Wow! What a difference. A little boy who WANTED to go to school. He came home so excited with songs and stories to share. Slowly he started talking about other classmates. And the great news was he would continue with the same classmates and teacher in the fall as a four year old.

We owe a lot to Ms. Meagan. More than anything she gave us hope. Hope for a future for our amazing son. I can't say enough good things about her. I felt like for the first time someone else "got" our son and wanted to help him. She had such a positive approach and the patience of a saint. I went on more than a few class field trips that year and was awestruck by the way she managed her class. Jacob made huge strides that year with her. He actually started talking to other kids and tried to form friendships.  If only we could have continued with Ms Meagan from year to year! I now hope that she will be able to teach our two year old when the time comes for her to start preschool.

Age four was pretty good for us. Jacob was happy. He was talking about friends at school. Life was good. One of mine and my husband's favorite memories is of Jacob's first school program. It was something both of us had wondered if we would ever witness. As Jacob walked in, I remember holding my breath. Would he actually do it? And he did. He sang every song with a enormous smile on his face, as both his mom and dad had huge tears streaming down our faces. I'm sure we looked ridiculous, but I have never been so proud and happy for my son as he sang his little heart out with his big fish hat on his head and his bright orange earplugs sticking out of his ears. How far he had come. On his very first day of preschool there had been an assembly, and Jacob refused to even step foot into the room and instead sat outside the door on his aide's lap crying.

Kindergarten came and with it all kinds of new problems. I felt like we were starting from scratch. A new school, new teacher, more students and no aides, and many many more meltdowns. It seemed like Jacob was constantly in trouble at school. I became more and more frustrated. Really, was it necessary for him to sit alone at lunch just because he kissed a little girl? The rules at school were harder for me to understand than for him. It was a tough year. Academically Jacob was off the charts, but socially he was struggling and his meltdowns were becoming more intense. At school he was being viewed more as a behavior problem than a child with social issues. We needed a formal diagnosis.

That's a hard step to come to. No one wants their child labeled. But I realized he was already getting a label, but not one I wanted for him. He would tell us that he was bad, and I hated the thought of my son thinking that of himself. He wasn't a bad kid, just misunderstood. I began looking and searching for somewhere to get a diagnosis. Again, the places I called gave us 6 months to wait. At this point I connected with another parent of a boy with Autism at Jacob's school. She gave us a name and we were on our way to getting a diagnosis.

Full of nerves we went in for the evaluation appointment. I think my husband and I were more nervous that it would come back that Jacob was fine. We had heard it so many times, if it was said again, would that mean that all the meltdowns and fits were just from bad parenting? But after a two hour evaluation, the Doctor came back with a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome and Anxiety, and some Separation Anxiety.

The doctor left us with more hope than ever. He talked about the strengths Jacob had and focusing them in the right direction. He seemed happy with Jacob's social skills and just told us to continue on the path we are on. It was encouraging to hear a professional tell you how wonderful your son is, and how he will go on to do great things. I do believe that. I know in my heart that Jacob will do something grand someday.

Jacob has come a long way from the day he stood staring at the boy in McDonald's. Most days at school he is reminded over and over  NOT to talk to his friends. I apologized to his teacher and told her that it will never bother me if Jacob is talking during class. When you have a child who wouldn't talk to his peers, you aren't about to go back to that. The anxiety is the biggest hurdle for us. Most of his anxiety is about leading up to the new activity, not the activity itself. He is a worrier like his mama. The separation anxiety was a little surprising. Not that we didn't know it, we just never put a name to it. Unlike other kids with Asperger's or Autism, Jacob never leaves our side. As I type this now he sits beside me on the bed quietly playing his DS. I guarantee if I got up and moved into the other room, he would follow me without batting an eye or stopping playing his game. Sure at times it is exhausting because there is little space. But when I really think about it, would I prefer him to want to be alone sitting in his room without connecting to us?

So that is where we are. The diagnosis came late last year at the start of the school year. Jacob is now in first grade and there are always new obstacles for us to overcome.