Playing Hookie

So I kept my son home from school yesterday. No, he wasn't ill or running late. Nor was he in a foul mood. In fact it was one of the more pleasant mornings in a long time at our house. Jacob woke right on time at 6:30 like he does every morning. He snuggled with me for a while, and couldn't wait to wake his baby sister. He woke her with a sweet song, we ate a hearty breakfast, and then played animal game after animal game. As we were playing our third game of Zoo Panic, Jacob looks at me and says, "Isn't this such a beautiful morning?" Yes, my sweet Jacob, it is.

You see Jacob had a field trip at school this morning. While most kids love this change from the norm, for Jacob it is terrifying. It started weeks ago when he brought home the permission slip. "Oh, Jacob look. You have a field trip coming up!" trying to sound excited, so hopeful that he would be, too. "I'm not going." I decided to drop it from there and continued to read about how the students would take the bus downtown, and there was no room for parents. Hmmmm.....not a good start already.

It is hit or miss with Jacob on field trips. His very first field trip was a disaster. It was in preschool and to the pumpkin patch. All parents could go and of course I was there. I could tell Jacob was nervous about his first bus ride, but I had hoped he would get over his fear once he saw his peers getting on the bus with no hesitation. Right when it was Jacob's turn to get on the bus, he lays himself flat out on the concrete right by the bus door. "I'm not getting on the bus!" he yelled. At a loss as to what to do, and with no diagnosis yet to explain his actions, I scooped him up and carried him onto the bus. The entire time at the pumpkin patch he could not enjoy himself because he was so fixated and worried about the bus ride home.

Oh, there have been plenty of field trips since. The zoo was another panicky bus ride. I believe it was that time that he yelled at the bus driver because he was worried he would honk the horn. The trip to the farm where he freaked out about the hayride and refused to go in the dairy barn even though at the time his love was for cows and he had been in that same barn many, many times. The grocery store field trip where we walked and he was so worried about the on coming traffic running us over, even though we were on the sidewalk. And I heard he had a very hard time at the fire station. Imagine that! So glad I missed that one.

With the impending field trip in a few days, my husband and I discussed it. We had never let Jacob just stay home from school for no reason, and I certainly didn't want him knowing that was an option. But once I found out the play was about a witch, the deal was done. No, field trip. The last thing we needed was a new fear to add to Jacob's already long list of things he worries about.

The thing that is different about Jacob than other kids is that he can overanalyze and worry about something for days, weeks, even months for hours at a time. His focus becomes so fixated on the fear, that there is no reasoning with him. My husband and I struggle with is it worse to tell him about it ahead of time in hopes of preparing him, only to get the hours upon hours of fear and panic with us trying effortlessly to explain? Or is it better to throw him into a situation that makes him uncomfortable with little to no warning, with no idea how he will react? I tend to lean more towards the first in prepping him and helping him try to work through his anxiety. It is an exhausting approach, but I feel it builds trust with our son.

So I didn't talk about yesterday's field trip until a few days before. I asked him if he wanted to go, and he immediately started in panic mode. "Jacob, it's fine," I tell him. "You will stay home with me." "But I can't do that," he yells, "the police man will come and take you away if I don't go to school! I have to go to the field trip!" Oh, my own words coming back to haunt me. At the beginning of the year when Jacob was throwing a fit each morning about going to school, I had told him it was the law to go to school, and that Mommy and Daddy could get in big trouble if he didn't go. I didn't realize that this was the image he had played out in his head! I explained to him that I would let his teacher know and everything would be fine.


And it was fine. More than fine. A perfectly calm, relaxing morning with my son. How different things could have been had we chosen to force him to go. Was it worth the battle? No.