Our day had been a busy one. A day that Jacob had been counting down to for well over a month. His grandparents were coming to our house on their way home from their winter vacation. Our plan was to have dinner with his grandparents and his aunt, uncle, and cousins, and afterwards have a bonfire with family and friends. In Jacob's mind it was a party. Usually events like this, although small, can get to be too much for Jacob and he starts slowly melting down by the end of the evening. But he was doing awesome playing flashlight tag outside with all the neighborhood kids. Typically Jacob's bedtime is 8:30, and we are pretty strict about it knowing that Jacob needs his sleep. But last night he was acting great. No meltdowns, no tattling, just having fun. As time got away from me, I let his bedtime slide, not wanting to end his fun night by having him lay in bed hearing his friends continuing their fun outside. And so at 10:00, as he sat beside me by the fire, I could see his eyes were sleepy. I suggested bed, and surprisingly it came with little resistance. I tucked him in, and he turned over on his tummy before I had even made it to the door. I assumed he was out.
That was until I went searching for my husband. There was my sweet boy sobbing away. "What's going on?" I asked knowing that usually any worries Jacob has tend to come out at night. Night time is when I find out what is really weighing heavy on my son's mind. Tonight it was a fear for his friend, our neighbor boy who is a couple years older than Jacob. Our neighbor is much more of a dare devil than Jacob, and likes to ride in his little sister's plastic car down our street. He positions himself at the top of the hill and rides the little red car to the end. Jacob has been watching this for weeks, and every time he sees him doing it, he will yell out the window, "Stop doing that! That's not safe!". I agree, it probably isn't safe. And usually it opens up a conversation about each family having their own set of rules, and that his parents will tell him not to do it if they are uncomfortable with it. But last night it was more than just a little worry for Jacob. He was insisting that the little red car be hidden away so his friend could no longer take his joy ride down the hill. Seeing that my husband had it under control I left to go back outside figuring Jacob would soon be asleep.
As I returned to my neighbors, the other moms mentioned to me how their own kids have many anxieties and worries as well. I know that they were meaning to make me feel better by not making Jacob's reaction so alarming. It is normal for kids to have worries. The difference is, most kids you can reason with and the worry is quickly brushed aside after a short conversation. That's not the case for us with Jacob. Usually it will go on for hours escalating to a point of exhaustion for everyone. And when my husband didn't join us, I knew that things were only getting worse inside. But then there was my husband walking out the front door. "Ah, it was over," I remember thinking prematurely, because right on his heals was Jacob. In my husband's hand was a deflated red playground ball. He proceeded to show Jacob how it wouldn't roll. Before I could ask any questions, they were heading back inside.
Curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to check out the situation. Things had indeed escalated. Jacob was now panicky. No longer was he just crying, but you could hear the sheer terror he was experiencing in his voice. My husband was beat, and with good reason. From experience I knew how exhausting these talks can be. It was my turn now. I tried getting Jacob to lay down and I slowly rubbed his back. I knew that the day and night had been too much for him. He was overwhelmed. Although his body was worn out, his mind just couldn't stop. We get that a lot at night from him. He will tell us his brain keeps telling him to do things. As much as I tried to console him, it wasn't working. No longer was he just upset about the little red car, but now also about balls rolling into the street and kids being in the street in general. He had demanded that my husband flatten every ball in our house. For a little boy who loves sports, that was a big demand and showed how truly terrified he was at the moment.
Jacob was still beside himself, crying and insisting we move to a new house. He needed out! He didn't want to live on a hill! He was like a wild animal unsure of his escape. Somehow I convinced him to come lay in my bed. I turned on one of his favorite shows, and slowly I heard his breathing start to return to normal. It didn't take long for his eyes to close and he was out. He slept fitfully for a while there beside me, until my husband took him to his own bed.
When I woke this morning I was still tired from the last night's events. My wonderful husband had let me sleep in, although I'm sure he was much more tired than I considering he came to bed quite late. I glanced to my dresser where we have a whiteboard that says "I love you because...". In our crazy life we sometimes get too busy to tell each other the little things we love about each other, so we have started leaving love notes. My husband had written, "I love you because...you take the time to try to understand our son!" I picked up the black dry erase marker and wrote, "and so do you!" It takes both of us as a team. Together we will solve the puzzle.
As I finish writing my note my husband opens the door and I am thankful to hear Jacob hasn't mentioned the night before. All balls are still bouncing in our house for now.
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