Jacob's Dream

Yesterday morning, Jacob got in bed with me like he does every morning once he wakes up. Usually he respects the fact that his mommy isn't a morning person and let's me sleep until my alarm wakes me. But on this morning he tells me, "Mommy, I had a dream." "What kind of a dream," I ask still with my eyes shut hoping to go back to my own pleasant dream land. "It was a very scary dream." I opened my eyes knowing that Jacob would need my full attention and it would be a lengthy discussion.

He went on to tell me how in his dream he was at school and there was a large airplane in the school. All of his friends got on board the plane flight (his words) and it took off without him, because he was too scared to get on. Once the plane flight took off, he started yelling, "Stop, come back! I want to go with you!" But they kept going. And then he was scared because he was all alone at the school.

Sure I talked to him about how his dream could never happen. A plane could never be in the school for starters, and there is no way his entire first grade could take off without adequate supervision and waivers in hand. And we talked about how going on a plane for the first time can be a scary thing. It's a conversation we have often as there are many places Jacob wants to visit, but he adamantly refuses because he is too frightened of the airplane ride. Mainly he wants to go to Africa to see the safari animals. I haven't told him that the plane ride should be the least of his worries and instead he should be concerned with being trampled by a herd of elephants or eaten by a lion. But since an African adventure is not in our near future, I'll let him continue to think that the worst is the plane.

My husband and I both would love to take a family vacation, but we know that the reality of that happening right now is slim to none, at least if it is a vacation that involves a plane ride. Jacob would have to be heavily medicated to even get near the plane! I can picture us now trying to get Jacob on board with him kicking and screaming. I've seen him first hand throw himself down in front of the school bus refusing to get on before a field trip. I can only imagine how he would react to boarding a plane.  I don't think TSA would be very forgiving. And that's not even mentioning the horror of going through metal detectors and God forbid if Jacob would be flagged for any type of search. If we did get him on board, Jacob wouldn't be able to sit still, and remain in his seat. And he certainly wouldn't be able to stop talking, if he was calm and not crying. There would be constant questions and worries, "What's that noise?", "We're going to fast!". The sound alone would be too much for him. And even if by some miracle he managed to get on the plane, I'm sure it would be a long flight for the person in front of him as there is no way Jacob would be able to keep his feet down or not constantly be in motion. Plus let's not forget we would be doing all this with a toddler in tow. I think it's best to wait.

But I can't help thinking that his dream has much more meaning than the plane itself. Of course he concentrated on the fear of the plane. But when he first told me about the dream, he focused more on being left behind and alone. Subconsciously is Jacob starting to realize he is different from his peers? Is he already feeling separate from them in some way? Is he becoming aware that his fears are holding him back from doing things that his friends do? Because I believe Jacob does want to be like his friends. I'm sure he really is thinking, "I want to go with you," so many times in everyday life, but can't because he is paralyzed by his own worries.

I want my son to soar like a plane. I want him to dream big and never look back, with no worries. I want him to believe in himself and have the courage to try new things even if they seem frightening. I want him to feel like he is part of the group and not set apart. I want him to chase down his passion and accomplish great things.  I want him to be proud of who he is and what he knows. I want him to have confidence. I want him to have the belief he can accomplish anything. And I want him to find true happiness. That is MY dream.