I Will Not Allow My Son's Light to be Stolen: Bullying

Last week my husband and I were working our church's Parents Night Out program. It was towards the end of the night, and the kids were getting their jammies on. I walked down to the ladies restroom with two six year old girls in tow. I have never heard so much giggling as these little girls got into their pajamas. Finally one of the girls came out of the stale in a beautiful long flowing nightgown. I said to her, "I love your long nightgown. It is so pretty." To which she proudly said, "It is a size eight!" The other girl hearing that quickly exited her stale and said, "Well, I wear anywhere from a size seven to a ten!" Not to be outdone, the first girl said, "I really meant a size eighteen. Mine is an eighteen." Obviously as I looked at this teeny girl there was no way she was a size eighteen. But what I found so interesting was their desire to be the bigger size. As little girls they have heard their whole life to "be a big girl" or "eat your dinner so you grow up big and strong". But where do we as society and parents do them wrong? At what age does that end and they start wanting to be this perfectly glamorous skinny girl? At what point can they no longer be comfortable with themselves and celebrate their differences, but instead desire to be something unattainable?

And so over the course of the last week it has still played on my mind. When is it our children's innocence is lost and they come to believe their differences are not beautiful?

When Jacob was four and in preschool, I remember one day he asked me why his friend AJ at school had brown skin. I told him that his skin was brown because God made him that way and we are all different. He was curious about their differences, but what I thought interesting it had taken him close to a year to notice or comment.

Last year while in kindergarten, Jacob came home a few weeks after school had started, and was talking really fast in a gibberish manner. When I asked him about it, he said, "I am talking in Spanish, mommy, just like Alex." "Honey, that's not Spanish," I told him. "But I want to talk in Spanish, too. " he said jealous of his little friend. "Why does Alex talk in Spanish and not me? " Again I talked about how God has made us all special, and again this answer satisfied him.

Another time Jacob asked me about our young neighbor boy who our neighbor's had recently adopted from China. He was born without a hand, and Jacob wanted to know why his hand was missing. Funny again how it took many months for him to even notice. "He is really a good golfer even with one hand!" Jacob exclaimed. Again, I talked about God making each of us unique and special, and again he was satisfied with my answer. Later that day I saw him in the backyard awkwardly swinging his club with one hand while the other was tucked in his sleeve.

For my son it is so easy to brush aside all the differences of others. Will it be as easy for others to brush his differences aside? Jacob has many friends right now. In fact the other day while walking home from school, we walked a different route which took us in front of the school. All the car riders were waiting there for the parents to arrive. As we walked in front of his class, he was greeted with loud cries of "Jacob, Jacob!" and "Hi Jacob!" with many scrambling to get up to give him a high five. A beautiful sight to see for a mom knowing that socialization will never be easy for my son.

So at age six, his peers are pretty accepting and tolerant of Jacob. It's not that they haven't noticed his differences. While helping out in his classroom for parties, many have mentioned Jacob's love for elephants and his detest of loud noises. I know from his teacher they have commented on his humming in class being distracting. Yet, they more than tolerate him, they include him. Why does this have to end? And why as a society do we allow it?

When you read about Aspergers and their social difficulties, you learn that bullying is severe for kids with Aspergers. Some figures say 90% are bullied on a daily basis. Why is this allowed to continue? I even read how some bullies will try to trigger meltdowns in children with Aspergers.

Children aren't born mean spirited. They aren't brought into this world with hate towards their neighbor. They aren't born bullies. It is learned, and there is no one else to blame but us, all of us. As a society we have turned our head to bullying for too long. We have brushed it aside as "kids will be kids" or "let's just let them work it out on their own."

Whether you like Hilary Clinton or not, she hit the nail on the head, it truly does take a village. To turn this around it takes every one of us as adults and parents to have a no tolerance for bullying. It takes each of us to celebrate the differences in each other. It means gossiping and judging must end. We must accept each other regardless of race, creed, sex, age, disabilities, size, or whatever it is that makes us different. We need to realize that there is no "normal". Each of us are unique. We need to help our children see beyond differences and realize we are all special.

Last Friday night while my husband and I were at the movies, we saw the trailer for the new movie, "Bully". Wow! My heart broke for the young boy on the screen. As they showed pictures of him as a child, tears started rolling down my cheeks. Here was this bright-eyed beautiful little boy full of life. He was happy. You could tell by the smile on his face, he was happy. And then you saw him older, broken, the light no longer in his eyes. This is my biggest fear for my son. I worry so much about someone stealing his light. Bullying needs to stop. AND IT STARTS WITH ALL OF US!

I will not allow my son's light to be stolen!