Empathy at It's Finest

It is often said those with Aspergers lack in empathy. There are times when I would agree with that statement. Times when I want my son to realize how much his words can sting, or the scar from his hitting is much deeper than the red mark his hand left on my skin.

But then there are times when my son surprises me beyond measure. And that's what happened yesterday afternoon.

It's no surprise my son loves baseball. I've mentioned it many times in my posts as it is such a big part of our life. And more than anything he loves playing baseball with his older twin cousins. I'm guessing his love of baseball stems from years of watching them play baseball. So it was a given that Jacob would embrace the sport as well.

When Jacob was just a little boy, his cousins loved nothing more than to take him out on the field and have him run the bases. They'd toss him the ball over and over, letting Jacob continually be the batter. Hours upon hours were spent patiently teaching Jacob to hit and throw stopping only because the day had given way to night. Every time we were together, baseball was played.

But with anything, time brings change. My nephews older now and almost sixteen, want to spend their days with their buddies. Their schedules are busier, their school work more demanding, and their time to spend chasing baseballs is limited. But even if it's not as often as Jacob would like, they somehow always find a little time to hit a few balls with my son.

Yesterday after returning from over a weeks stay at his grandparent's house, Jacob couldn't wait to call his cousins. We weren't even in the door, and already he was wanting to call them. He had missed them terribly. It's always hard for me because I know at sixteen, the boys have much bigger plans and sometimes just aren't up for hanging out with a six year old. I get that. I was sixteen at one time, too. I can't say I would have been as patient and giving of my time as them. And so I am always hesitant to have Jacob call them. I hate seeing him crushed if they are busy, and I don't want him to come across as a pain to his much loved cousins.

Since my nephews had gotten a new puppy during our absence, they were eager for us to meet the new addition, so we headed over to their home. Of course for Jacob that meant a little baseball. It didn't take long for him to convince his cousins to play a game with him in the backyard. I on the other hand had errands to run and groceries to fetch after being gone for over a week. I was grateful when my sister volunteered the idea of Jacob staying while I ran to the store, leaving Jacob to play baseball in the backyard with his one cousin.

About halfway through my grocery shopping, I received a call from my husband. He began, "Now don't freak out or anything." Ok...really? How can I not freak out when you start like that? Apparently my nephew had been seriously injured and they believed he had broken his leg. The ambulance was on it's way. Aside from my obvious concern for my nephew, my thoughts went to Jacob. How would he handle being right in the middle of an emergency. And the last thing my sister needed was attending to Jacob instead of her son. Knowing my husband could get there sooner, I had him rush over to get Jacob, so he would not cause more anguish to an already serious situation.

When I arrived home with my van loaded with groceries, there was my husband and Jacob sitting outside on our steps. It was an unusal sight, as Jacob is normally in motion. But there he sat calmly, deep in thought next to my husband head slightly bowed. As I pulled in the driveway, he slowly stood and walked toward the van. Not the usual commotion of activity I am used to when arriving home. Typically Jacob is running toward  me excited and happy to see me. I could tell his heart was heavy.

As I opened the door, Jacob approached me and said, "Mommy, I have some bad news." I could feel his sadness and despite the fact I already was aware of his news, I let him share his story with me. He went on to tell me in detail how his cousin had went to field a baseball that Jacob had hit, his foot going one way and his leg the other. He fell to the ground and yelled, "Mom!" Jacob told me that he went over by him and asked if he was ok. At that point my sister came out, realized that it was pretty serious, called her husband  and 911. During this time Jacob stayed right by his cousin's side calmly reassuring him that everything would be ok and that his mom was calling "991". (We have since practiced the correct number!)

As I hugged my son tightly he said, "Mommy, I stayed right by him because I wouldn't want to be alone if I was hurt."

That is empathy at it's finest.

Jacob knew. He knew how he would feel, and he transferred that feeling to his cousin. He was able to put himself in his cousin's shoes and reacted appropriately. He handled the entire emergency calmly, from the beginning, to the end with the ambulance sirens wailing. This from a little boy terrified of loud noises who can't sleep at night from all his fears of fireworks, thunderstorms, and balls rolling down hills. He knew what needed to happen and he knew he needed to be there for one of his very favorite people in the world.

My nephew's leg was in fact broken. It broke right above the knee and was a pretty bad break. He had surgery today and will be in the hospital for a few more days. We just returned from visiting him. I knew it was important for Jacob to see his cousin and know that he was going to be ok. Jacob brought him tons of candy and treats and informed him that it was ok to share with him. And as the two shared a moment together, my nephew normally a tough kid, got a little choked up. I think he, too, knew how big of a moment it had been for Jacob, and how much it showed the deep connection they have together. Jacob's cousins mean the world to him. They always will.

And once his cousin is home, I'm sure it won't take long for Jacob to be counting the days until they can play a little baseball again together.