Last Monday was the day we had been counting down to for weeks, if not months at our house. The day Jacob would finally get to met Dr. Two. Her name really isn't Dr. Two, but Jacob prefers that, and we have become so accustomed to it, we have embraced it as her name. It came after visiting Jacob's psychologist and he realized he would be waiting to visit a second doctor who would hopefully be able to help him with his anxiety. And so Dr. Two was born.
Each night at our house before bed, my son panicky from his fears and anxieties would ask how much longer until we would see Dr. Two. For a while he wanted to move her in with us. He hadn't even met her at this point, but with the promises of Dr. Two making him feel better, he was ready to clear some room for her.
So when the day finally arrived, we were all ready. I too had been counting the days, hoping and praying for some help if even a little for my son. Just anything to make each day a little less frightening for him, or a little calmer for all of us.
I can't say Dr. Two was exactly what I was expecting. I'm not really sure what I was expecting. She was probably about my age. A mother of two children, a son who was Jacob's age and an older daughter. I could tell Jacob would like her as she engaged him in his interests of animals and baseball to his delight. I knew I liked her when she talked about her own struggles as a mom and having her older daughter struggle with anxiety and separation anxiety. She could relate to all of my feelings, the struggles I had with whether to push Jacob or pull back and shelter him from anything remotely scary.
But I could tell my husband wasn't won over. He was quiet, and usually my husband is a talker. Instead I was the one answering the doctor's questions about our son, while my husband remained unusually still.
Dr. Two talked extensively with Jacob about the things that bothered him, focusing mostly on fireworks. I noticed how she balanced talking about these scary things until Jacob began to get panicky, and then she brought it back to a safe topic like baseball. After listening and talking for a while, she turned to my husband and I giving us the direction and encouragement we have wanted for years.
My husband and I have always struggled with this to the point of disagreement. He always leaned toward throwing Jacob into situations that made him uncomfortable and scared, where I took the other approach of shielding him from these things that bothered him. I think that is every mother's approach. It is a motherly instinct to protect your child. This difference in opinion between my husband and I has brought many arguments and frustrations for both of us through the years.
It wasn't a big shock when Dr. Two agreed with my husband's approach. Her suggestions? Take Jacob to all those things that bother him. Enroll him in every activity possible. I see out of the corner of my eye my husband's interest peak. Buy season tickets to Jacob's favorite major league baseball team forcing him to watch the fireworks. This time I see the smile spreading across my husband's face. Take him golfing every week having him ride in a bumpy golf cart. Oh, yes, Dr. Two had a new best friend. She had won my husband over!
But Jacob? Not so much.
Where before Jacob was loving the animal talk and bubbly personality of Dr. Two, upon hearing he would be going to a baseball game with fireworks, he immediately hit my husband and me. Dr. Two insisted he sit in time out for hitting, and I observed, wondering how this would play out. Time outs have never worked for Jacob. They become a battle that can at times last for hours, escalating something so small into a major meltdown. I was intrigued. My husband somewhat forced Jacob off the couch to sit him in time out, all the while Dr. Two encouraging him that he was doing the right thing. And there my son sat in time out for all of five seconds when Dr. Two told him he was done. Really? Five seconds? Apparently we have been doing time out wrong the entire time. Our focus was always on insisting he sit for the appropriate amount of time. You know, the one minute per age rule. We were wrong! The idea is to have Jacob learn to calm himself and learn that control. If it takes five seconds, it takes five seconds. Wow!
Once Jacob was calmed down, she wanted to bring up photos of fireworks on her computer. She gave him two choices, sit and close his eyes or step outside while she showed us the pictures. He chose to step outside her door. She brought up a picture of a large firework, covered it and had him come in the door. Tentatively he came in. This time she had him close his eyes in front of the door while she showed us the pictures again. But it was like a train wreck, he couldn't help but peak and he saw the picture on his computer. I was expecting a little bit of a panic, but there wasn't any. Instead he wanted to be in control, and he went over to assist Dr. Two in googling pictures of fireworks. It didn't take long for him to be pointing to the computer his finger touching the fireworks on the screen.
We left encouraged by Dr. Two that Jacob would soon be over his fear of fireworks, lightning, and balls rolling down our hill. Our homework for each day is to watch youtube videos of fireworks and look at pictures online to desensitize him to the things that bother him. Jacob may always have things that scare him. Hopefully he will just learn how to calm himself and cope with those fears.
And I'm happy to report that for today's homework, Jacob watched 32 seconds of fireworks over his favorite baseball stadium with no problem.
No comments:
Post a Comment