It's hard for me to believe it has been a year since I started my blog. Time goes so fast. No matter how hard you try to hold onto it, it slips away unnoticed.
I admit that a year ago, more days than not, I was wishing them away. We were in a bad place. Jacob's anxiety was at an all time high. Our life was in a tailspin and we were just barely staying above water.
As much as I would like to slow time down to remember each smile, laugh, and moment with my children, I can't say I would want to return to where we were a year ago. The days were long, the nights even longer. Time couldn't go fast enough. Every night was a meltdown filled with screaming, crying, hitting, and pure fear. Jacob was scared of everything at the time. I remember thinking, "Is this our normal? Is this going to be our everyday for the rest of our lives? Is this all our baby girl will know growing up as she observes her big brother?"
Last year, Jacob's meltdowns started coming more and more frequently and lasting for hours. The littlest things were setting him off. Nights were awful as Jacob's anxiety was at a peak. Every night he would cry sometimes for hours about things that scared him. And it seemed like new fears were popping up out of no where. It felt like our world was spinning out of control.
It was time.
As much as my husband and I were opposed to medicine for the longest time, we knew something had to be done. We had a prescription for anti anxiety medicine for Jacob before. We had even filled it, but after reading all the scary literature that comes with it, we opted to wait it out. But this time was different, something had to be done. Jacob's doctor had told us we would know when it was time. Our life was being upset daily at this point. It was defininetely time to give medicine a try.
No parent WANTS to give their child medicine, particularly one that could alter their personality and has tons of undesirable side effects. Jacob had never even had cough medicine in his life, and here I was going to give him something that came with a warning sheet from the pharmacy, which of course brought new worries for me.
Would it change my son including all the wonderful things I love about him? Would it make him sleepy as it suggested or change my energetic son who is always on the go? Would his tummy hurt like the pharmasist said to expect? Would my little boy no longer be the same from this day forward?
All those thoughts were racing through my head questioning if we were making the right decision as I helped my son with the syringe giving him his first dose.
That first day was hard. I was a wreck nervous for all the possible outcomes, referring back to the possible side effects sheet numorous times. But with each day it got a little easier to give my son his medicine, to where soon it became old hat.
And with each day, the meltdowns became less, the fears subsided, and my son's smile returned.
But I know not to get too comfortable. I don't even let myself think, "Is this our new normal?". Instead I continue on the journey given to me enjoying each day and treasuring every moment while time continues to slip away.
And I thank God each day that we are in a good place, a much happier place than we were a year ago.
No comments:
Post a Comment