A True Field of Dreams

When you have a child with Aspergers, you really never know what to expect. You learn to never assume typical activities will go smoothly, and to always expect the unexpected. So you over prepare for everything, and hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

In my mind I've been planning for the worst for the past few weeks. We've had a lot of changes in our home with us moving and a new school. So far it's been smooth sailing, but you never know when a hurricane can hit out of no where and completely sink your boat, so you have to be ready.

See Jacob just started Fall baseball. Nothing new, as he has played baseball on a team for two years now. He loves baseball, and knows the game inside and out. So what's the big deal?

Well, it's kid pitch baseball. Up until this time he has played either machine pitch, or coach pitch. But the game would be changing and kids would be pitching now, and Jacob would be one of them.

Jacob's a decent pitcher. For only being in second grade, he does just fine. He's watched enough games over the years to know how it's done. I have pictures of him standing on the mound at the age of two with his one hand behind his back as if he is ready to fire the ball to home plate. He's been preparing for this moment for years. So I really shouldn't have been that worried. But I've learned as with anything, to not have my guard down, because that's when it can all go downhill quickly.

All week long, I couldn't help but remember those first few games of baseball for Jacob just a few years ago. How when the focus was on him, he would just lose it and have a meltdown. I remembered the coaxing to get him on the field at his first tee ball game, and how he got mad and started crying when it was his turn at bat. I remembered the big hits he would get when he started coach pitch and how upset he would be at the fans cheering. So upset he would just keep running past first base right towards the parking lot. I remembered all the times I had to carry him to our car as he cried because the fans were looking at him. I remembered all the games he wanted to sit on the bench because it was just easier.

And of course I couldn't help but wonder, "Would this be one of those moments?".

Would it just be too much? Would he be too nervous? Obviously the focus would be on him. The home fans, the visiting fans, his teammates, the batter, the umpires, his opponents. Everyone would be looking at him. So naturally I was apprehensive.

After the first inning ended, Jacob came up to me and said, "Mommy, I'm going to the bullpen," with the biggest grin on his face. As he warmed up in the grass beside the field, I could feel my nerves getting the better of me.

The inning ended quickly, and it was time for Jacob to hit the mound. This was it. I held my breath, said another silent prayer, and went to the dugout edge prepared to take quick action if needed and to cheer on my son.

As he took a few warm up throws, I was amazed at how grown up he appeared. How graceful and fluid he looked. The visiting team would have no idea looking at my son that he had Aspergers. As the visiting team's parents chatted in the stands, they had no idea the struggles and challenges it took to get to this place. The first time pitching is a great milestone for any child. For Jacob, it is so much more.

Honestly, if someone would have told me two years ago as I carried my son to the car with tears streaming down both our faces after a meltdown at his baseball game that we would be experiencing this moment, I'm not sure I would have believed them. I know that seems cliche, but it is true.

And so as the first batter comes up to the plate, I waited wondering what was going to happen. A strike! Yes...I needed that. Jacob needed that, too. He continued pitching striking out the first batter. Slowly I felt myself begin to relax a little. He was doing it. Alone on the mound with all eyes on him, and he was doing it.

He pitched the entire inning, striking out two batters.

At the end of the inning as the team hustled in to form a huddle, Jacob casually threw the ball up to the dugout roof. Only those that know Jacob knew what he was doing. He was tossing a ball to one of his fans. Just like the pitchers do in the major leagues.