A Bowl of Alphabet Soup: What's One More Diagnosis?

Well, it's official. We got the Triple A diagnosis.

AAA= Autism Spectrum Disorder/Aspergers, Anxiety, and ADHD

While we're at it we might as well add the others in. Sensory Processing Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and Exotropia. There that sums it up.

My son has ASD/ADHD/SPD/OCD/Anxiety/ Exotropia.

Hmm..Jacob is beginning to sound like a cup of alphabet soup with all these letters floating around.

Sunday night once the kids were in bed, my husband and I spent the evening each filling out individual evaluation forms on Jacob. If you've ever done this, you know how difficult it can be. It is emotionally taxing. It really forces you to look at the reality of how your child appears to others. There are no questions like, "Does your child love to snuggle?" or "Does your child like to laugh and giggle?" or "Does your child bring you joy and happiness?"

No, it's very clinical. And no matter how hard you try to not let your emotions get involved, it's hard to separate it all.

It really weighs heavy on your heart with questions like "My child acts strangely...Never, Sometimes, Often, or Always."

Circling "Always" was hard.

But even harder was reading the answers provided by Jacob's teacher. Somehow I was living in some magical land where at school Jacob acted appropriately and "normal" just like his classmates. Of course I'm not delusional. Deep down I know that Jacob's day at school resembles his day at home. He paces, he hums, he talks out of turn, he invades personal space, he laughs inappropriately, he touches everything, he never stops talking, he lays on the floor, he jumps, he dances, he sings, he never stops moving, he babbles, he picks at his fingers, he picks at his lip, he flips his shoes on and off, he makes silly faces to get a laugh, he talks about inappropriate things, he fidgets, he claps, he interrupts, he stares blankly, he talks to himself. He doesn't fit in.

So of course he acts strangely at school. I had just hoped otherwise. It was no big shock that his teacher also had circled "Always".

Then there are the friend questions.

"Your child makes friends easily."  This question I felt needed an asterisk * with "Please see attached sheet".  First pick the sentence apart. "Makes" sometimes. "Keeps" no. Sure Jacob makes friends easily. When we go to the park, he is always approaching the other kids there and inventing something for them to play, some kind of game or pretend play. He really is good at approaching other kids. And usually it is fairly well received. Younger kids always do well with Jacob and jump right in. Kids his own age, it depends. Older kids sometimes surprise me and welcome playing with him while some just look at my son like he is from a different planet. Even at school, Jacob is right there at recess playing with all the other kids. It's not like he is off on his own doing his own thing. Oh, no. He is right there in the thick of it helping orchestrate each kickball game.

If you were to ask Jacob he would say he is friends with everyone in his class. He'll refer to people he just met as his "friend". It could be a one year old or an adult, or the cashier at the grocery store if they give him enough attention. But Jacob has no idea when that friendship is not reciprocated. Or that someone simply talking to you does not make them your lifelong friend.

I know Jacob is friendly. I'm always telling him that people will like him if he has a smile on his face and says "hello". His teacher has confirmed that and said that Jacob always has a positive attitude. Just picking him up from school validates that for me, as kids from all grade levels are yelling "hellos" to him as we walk to our van to leave school.

But being friendly and having friends are different. Does he have friends? Maybe. Does he get invited over for playdates? No. Are other kids wanting to spend time with Jacob outside of school? Not really.

So the friends questions are hard to answer.

Some of the others are no-brainers. "Does your child seem to be driven by a motor?" Always. "Does your child vomit? Have fevers?" Really...don't they all? "Does your child worry?" Somewhere between sometimes and often, where a year ago it would have been Always. Wow, we've come so far.

But one of the hardest questions for me was "Does your child seem out of touch with reality". Where is "Depends on the day" for an answer?

Jacob's a smart kid. He knows a lot of facts. He remembers everything and notices everything. Is he out of touch with reality. Probably. That's a hard thing to say about your own child. But yes, it's probably the truth. A perfect example is sometimes he will talk to me about some cartoon character on tv as if he knows them personally. The other day he asked me where Team Umizoomi lived. And then we had the conversation about how they aren't real. It's just a tv show. And right when I think we have gotten somewhere he'll say, "But the Fresh Beat Band is real, right? Because you can go to their concert". hmm....we have so far to go.

Lately Jacob is all about recording everything. He wants a video camera so he can record and make his own baseball videos. But just because he doesn't have one, that doesn't stop him. With his foam bat and ball in hand, he is often found in the living room making a video in his head. "Stop. Delete." "Stop. Delete." he says over and over. He'd go on and on for hours if I would let him. "Stop. Delete." I've talked with him how life is not a video. You can't delete it. He doesn't get it. Instead he makes his video in his brain and if it doesn't turn out how he wants, he deletes it.

I hate that I even have to answer that question about my son. I labored over it for the longest time unsure. After much thought I came to the conclusion of "Often."

His teacher chose "Always".

 

Jacob scored high on the ADHD evaluation. In fact, his doctor said you only needed six of the questions to score high, and we had Jacob rated high on twelve of them. So we walked out the door with a prescription in hand, and another diagnosis to add to our growing alphabet soup. We have yet to fill the prescription, but my husband and I both know it is probably the best thing for Jacob. It's just scary and overwhelming right now. A lot to process and new information to learn. But we will get through it.