I bet as a child he was scared of loud noises just like my son.
I bet like Jacob, he wasn't sure how to act around his peers. Maybe even like Jacob giggling, acting silly, and talking baby talk while getting inches from his classmates faces.
I bet he got nervous around people probably not looking them in the eye, wanting to interact but not sure how.
I bet new situations made him anxious.
I heard like Jacob he was incredibly smart.
His classmates described him as "socially awkward".
He had Aspergers, the media is saying.
I am NOT looking for sympathy for the shooter. I am having a hard time wrapping my own brain around the entire thing. Nor am I using his Aspergers as an excuse for the unthinkable act he committed. There is no excuse.
I am simply asking that you not link the two.
When I first heard the news that the young man who took so many lives at Sandy Hook Elementary School on Friday had Aspergers, I took a deep breath, and thought, "Oh no." When my son was diagnosed last year, I made it my mission to spread the word on Aspergers to gain understanding and acceptance for my son. How was this going to help?
For the past day I hadn't really let my mind go there. The news of the tragedy was too much for me anyway that I had turned off the television and instead chose to focus on my own children and the blessings around me, spending my day yesterday baking and taking care of Jacob who was sick. I had tried pushing the assumption of the shooter having Aspergers to the back of my head, but it kept resurfacing and leaving a big pit in my stomach.
This morning after signing my son in to be seen in urgent care for his nasty cold, I came around the corner to see Jacob sitting right next to a girl about his age. The girl's mom standing nearby whispers to me, "Your son is so sweet. He told my daughter 'You might not want to get too close to me because I am sick and don't want you to catch it'." The irony that this girl sitting next to him in the urgent care was also sick was lost on Jacob.
And as I waited there in the much too warm waiting room with kids coughing all around me, I finally let my mind go there. There are good and bad people everywhere. There are good people who happen to have Aspergers, and there are bad people who happen to have Aspergers. My sweet little boy who was worried about spreading germs to a little girl he did not know, is one of the good.
What I need for you to know is this, although my son shares the same diagnosis as the young man that carried out this horrific act, that is all that they share.
In fact, my son shares much more with the young victims than with the young man who stole so many young lives. My son goes to school each morning sitting in a classroom with his peers. He likes baseball. He loves to draw animals with his markers. He loves to tease his little sister. He grumbles when it is time to brush his teeth or go to bed. He loves recess, and dislikes homework. He tells me he loves me and kisses me goodnight. And like many of the victims, he is seven years old. A typical little seven year old boy who happens to have Aspergers.
People are looking for answers. They want to know why. They want to know who to blame. Pointing fingers only festers more anger. And more anger only brings more violence. Instead lets come together as a country and realize we are not doing enough for our children.
I do pray that this will be the beginning of new conversations about Aspergers. What Aspergers truly is. What we can do to help those with the disorder.
Look past the blame. Instead look inward and upward for a simple message of faith and love, and let the healing begin.
(As a disclaimer. I certainly do not have any answers. I am simply a mom of a sweet boy with Aspergers. My post is from pure raw emotion regarding a more than difficult situation. Please refrain from making this any type of debate or from posting hurtful comments. Instead let's stand strong and heal together.)
